Monday, October 25, 2010

Me & Mom

Every weekend mom made big meals because her beloved daughter would come home for weekend. But on week days, she only had simple, even humble meals because she "didn't feel like cooking" if just for herself.

One of her fingers got swollen last week and she didn't manage to tell me if I hadn't noticed. She'd had already seen a doctor and "it's no biggie, just rheumatoid arthritis." I knew, it was a age thing. She slipped out the fact that maybe later her other fingers would also have the same symptom.

Looking at her gnarled rough hands, I couldn't help shedding tears. I don't want to admit but mom is becoming less vigorous. I can also tell that she's going through her menopause as she constantly gets hot flashes and sweats more often.

At that moment, I got the feeling that things like moving out, leaving this city or studying abroad are all crap. I just want to stay with mom and people I love. That's all I need and care now.


Chuck said...

Shuo, It is difficult when strong, loving parents start to show signs of aging and ill health. They never want us to see signs of any decline. And their love for their children is uncompromising. One things parents always want, however, is the best for their children. I experienced this with my own mother who was diagnosed with cancer shortly before I was offered a promotion with my company that would move me 1000 miles from home. It was very difficult, but she wanted what was best for me and my family. She passed the following year. That was more than 20 years ago. Ultimately I became a top executive at my global corporation and was able to provide a standard of living for my family that my mother would have been extremely proud of. So you know, I owe everything that I am to my mother. She was - as we say in the U.S. - my rock. I think about her all the time. And I thank her for the sacrifices she made in her life to make sure that I was raised right, with the right values. I've kept with me the saying that she gave me, "Wherever I wander, wherever I roam, wherever my mom is will always be home." It always has been. Good luck Shuo. Make sure your mother knows how much you love her.

Impacted Wisdom Truth said...

Chuck, that was beautiful.

Chuck said...

Thanks Gregg. I sense that Shuo needs the benefit of some experiences here based on the conflicted nature of recent posts. One of the lessons is that "home is where your heart is" no matter where in the world you venture.

One of my two sons remains very close to home while the other had no choice but to leave the region for employment and is a 10 hour drive away. While we miss him and his wife immensely, we wanted what was best for him just as my mother wanted what was best for us years ago. It is perhaps a more difficult scenario in China with only one child but the principles remain the same. By the way, nice touch with the Norman Rockwell book. There are still pockets of Rockwell "family values" in these United States. All the best, and Happy belated birthday to Shuo. Chuck

SHUO said...

Chunk, thanks for your long comment and sharing your story. My parents divorced when I was young and I haven't really seen my father after that (nor did I want to). So I've lived with only my mom until recently when she is married again. I secretly thought that since she had a partner, I could do something I really wanted to, you know, just being selfish. There's a Chinese saying that "Tree prefer calm while wind not subside; Son choose filial while parents died". Hope that when I look back in the future I have no regret.

Chuck said...

Doing something you want to is not being selfish Shuo as long as you both understand what your goals are and what it takes to achieve them. You can love your mother from close or afar, but you cannot forget her. That's when regrets come into play. Every time I talked to my mother or father - or whenever I saw them as was leaving - I would tell them I loved them. Of course they knew it. It always means more when you say it. Your mother may have found a replacement for your father, but she can never find a replacement for you. You are one of a kind ... one of her kind. Best luck to you.

Gabrielle Evelyn said...

So sweet between you and your dear mum.Now I work far away from my parents and cant stay with them often.
Best wishes to all mums and dads all over the world!

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Doing something you want to is not being self-centered Shuo provided that you both know what your objectives are and what it requires to accomplish them. You can really like your mom from near or very far, but you cannot ignore her
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