Friday, July 17, 2009

A bit of fuss.Just ignore me.

I really gave much thought to the study-abroad thing,even I had to to hit the books for eight terminal exams.I got a great deal of useful suggestions from David Stegtizs,Olive Fee and the Internet.BTW,I really appreciate that I understand another language like English,otherwise I wouldn't have get so much information from non-Chinese people.

I ever dreamed of study in Britain but the tuition and expense must be outrageous.It's doomed to be a fantasy.Then I wanted to study in Germany which would cost less but still 300 thousand RMB.It's not a small number at all.But what bothers me most about that is not only the cost,but also the fact that I may have to put at least 4 years to finish the graduate school if I go to Germany which means by then I'll be 26+ years old.In that case,when I come back to China,I'd be single,unemployed and maybe kinda lost.Not to mention that I wouldn't be capable to take good care of my mother.

I was telling myself - "I'm getting 26 anyway.I'm getting old anyway.Sooner or later I'll have my family anyway.I'll be an annoying and lame old lady anyway.Why give up my dream for those inevitable phases of living?I just gotta get ready to begin a very empowered one."And it's just so unfair.If it's a 26-year-old guy who just came back from some foreign country,he must be popular and be ragarded as a golden bachelor.However,when this happens to a woman,she probably would be classified as an old maid in China.

I kept asking my friends this question,if they got into a dilemma,which would they be more sorry about,doing or not doing?I believe everyone will choose "not doing".However,making a decision could barely be simple as that.You have to do it so as to least people will get hurt.Confucious said,"Don't stray far from home when your parents are there."Yea,if I stick to the status quo going on my life,I'm likely to have a family and kids(terrible picture in mind) and my mom would be a merry grandma.That sounds more like a 26-year-old Chinese woman,doesn't it?

I once told my friend I didn't have a dream,and he laughed.Well,who doesn't have a dream?But my dream is too far to reach.It's good to be young,because you can dream,you have time to dream.Or in other word,you're juvenile enough to dream.It feels like the longer I start putting off starting my any plan,the longer it can remain a dream and not something I screw up at or something I finally give up.

I want to chase my dream but I also want to be at my mother's side as she was at mine.I could have some other dream but my mother is irreplaceable.Okay,at least I know I'd make a good daughter first.


I'll be on the train to Beijing this afternoon.Should get there after 24 hours.I'm going alone which sounds a little sad.There surely are some moments where I feel like being accompanied.To be honest,I'm a little,just a little worried because it's the first time I take a train on my own.

If Beijing is actually hot like an oven,I may not go anywhere but have watermelons and watch TV at my friend's place.hehe.After that,I plan to visit my hometown and drop by Shanghai and Nanjing beforehand - I know it's the last summer vacation to be crazy.

Anyhoo,I'll be safe and I'll be back.Farewell,Shenzhen.