Feel Like Crying

I spent 10 days in last Summer holidays. It was the second time I visited there. I stayed at a couple's apartment and the guy's mother cooked for me. This lady had a very mild personality and I liked her a lot. Thanks to her, I didn't get serious homesick when I was in Beijing because she felt like a mom. She became a widow many years ago and raised up her son by her own. Her life was not easy. But her daughter-in-law was about to have a baby.

But very sadly, today I was told she had cancer and it was advanced. Her son just went back to their hometown to pick a cemetery with good Feng Shui. WHAT HAPPENED? My memory is still vivid, but things have already changed into the worst only half a year later? Just when her tear and sweat is about to pay off, she is leaving? NO WAY! The last thing in this world that I could handle is my beloved relatives or friends passing away. It'd tear me up. I don't know whether I should call her or what am I gonna say to her. I feel so devastated.

One month ago, I gave it a lot of thought and decided to abort my study-in-Germany plan. It was sad to quit but it was for the best. Shame that I'm not as cool as those people who chase their dream bravely. I'd keep on learning German but I'd stay, stay in my city. I should face the reality and be responsible to my mom. I can't just ask her for a great deal of money and leave here alone. My friends said I would come back anyway but who knows what's gonna happen during my absence. There's a Chinese proverb, saying "A tree desires to stand still, but wind does not stop. A son desires to serve his/her parents, but they have gone."

I love you Mom! I love you all, my friends.